![]() Trust and dependence on Him happens today, one day at a time. This is not about religion (doing) but about being in a one on one relationship with my Creator. Trust and dependence on Him happened only in my relationship with Him. A place where discontentment and fear rule. A world filled with constant reminders of the past, and striving for the future. Trust and dependence on Him is not a natural part of this world. Takes me away, though be it tough, to a place where trust and dependence on Him alone can be found. That is how God works in my life usually. The journey that could only have been traveled in the isolation, fear, grief and challenge. (By the way these are some of the most amazing people I have met and were great teachers for me) Crazy right?! As I stumbled through my own life mess, I dealt daily with raw trauma, loss and hopelessness. Oh and did I mention I started a new career? The most challenging yet! Managing an emergency shelter for the homeless. To finally have relationship with her, and then watch her die from cancer was just too much. The pandemic speaks for itself, but the loss of my sister was crushing. The pandemic and the death of my sister were my big Joy stealers. Lashing out at the people I love the most, or gesturing at a stranger in traffic. When I am hurt, offended or thinking negative thoughts I get angry. I have been told my silence is very LOUD. When I think I am insignificant, I get quiet….very quiet. They are written all over my face, and usually reveal their sinister plans through my actions or reactions. I am so glad I am the only one that hears my thoughts….LOL. My mind goes rouge so much of the time, as if it isn’t even a part of me. I can be content until I compare, happy until disappointed, and peaceful until its painful. During the day they keep me distracted, worried, anxious and striving. My thoughts are the monsters in my bedroom at night, keeping me awake as they wonder into the future, or revisits the past. To be held hostage by my thoughts is nothing new to me. ![]() How world events and changing circumstance stole my joy, and intense grief blurred my vision. Both are my rocks always seeing me, pursuing me, and loving me well.Īs I reflect back on these last 2 years, I am amazed how isolation and fear allowed my thoughts to hold hostage my dreams. This particular blog was birthed from the nudging (slap in the head) from the Holy Spirit, and encouragement from my husband. A hard but much needed trip, none the less. To begin writing again has been a journey. Its been a while since I have written a blog. ![]()
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